How it works

The Secret of a Happy Relationship™ is a communication tool that have been designed as a weekly process of learning how to communicate with another person effectively. We first called it a game, because learning about ourselves can be fun. But unlike traditional games, there isn’t a winner and loser – both of you win by taking responsibility for creating happiness in your lives. So, we also call it a guide or process to making your life a happy one. We offer five different editions of The Secret of a Happy Relationship™. Each edition is played exactly the same way and is created for only two people. The only difference between each edition is the packaging, offering a unique look and style for each age group and audience. Whether you are a parent with a child, two teenagers, a married or single couple, best friends, co-workers, roommates, cousins – or any two people who want to better there relationship – this awesome communication tool is for you. Keep reading to see how it works and what benefits you will reap from experiencing life in an authentic way.

Discover the secret. Enjoy the adventure. Check out the benefits.

Imagine a guide that can show you how to:iStock_000003746910_ExtraSmall
• Identify and express what you feel
• Create a safe space and time to connect with each other
• Have closer and more productive conversations
• And have fun doing it.

You may discover that:
• Yesterday’s big issue is often just a small thing today.
• Discussing the small things once a week stops them from becoming big things in the future.

The rules are so simple that even a 10-year-old can play. And so profound that adults will feel inspired. But if you really want to discover the Secret, you’ll have to order your very own edition.

How can I benefit from using this guide?

Transform your life, your perceptions, your way of thinking and in the process acquire the Secret to a Happy Relationship™.  Is that appealing?  It was to me when my spiritual teacher asked me to make this magical tool available to everyone.

We all know appropriate communication is the key to any happy relationship, but how do we learn to do this?  Most of us react automatically to situations in our life.  This tool teaches us to stop those automatic reactions, which usually come from an ego identity, and rather take a minute to access what is really going on inside of us, from our true self.  Knowing the difference is essential. If an ego identity is being triggered, like “the know it all” who is being corrected, we are apt to make excuses or justify – clear evidence that the ego is at work. But if we are coming from our true self, we allow clarity to discern what is really happening, and can truly hear what is being said with an open heart. If you find you are taking things personally, your ego is in control. Learning to listen without getting triggered is just one of the many benefits The Secret of Happy Relationship™ will teach you if you practice it consistently.

Being 100% aware, 100% of the time is another benefit you’ll master with The Secret of Happy Relationship™.  Once you become aware of where your feelings are coming from (is it your ego being triggered or your true self discerning), you will learn that your reactions are really based on your perception. For instance, do you see the world through angry or happy eyes? Are you constantly judgmental towards yourself or others, or are you compassionate? You are making the choice as to how you see the world. If you are unhappy with what you see, change your perceptions. From my own experience, these perceptions felt “real” and my way of looking at the world had become a habit. And I was also unhappy most of the time. Realizing I was choosing every moment’s reaction based on my automatic habits of looking at life, and once I started taking a step back and consciously decided to see situations from another perspective, my life changed for the better. I went from a blaming victim to taking responsibility for my actions. I saw that a lot of my unhappiness was the way I chose to see things. I had surrounded myself with people who thought like I did. “Misery loves company!” Using The Secret of Happy Relationship™ as a weekly tool, I realized that I was choosing my reactions in every moment. Becoming aware changed everything. This realization has empowered me to be awake and present. I chose different friends who reflected my new outlook and who took responsibility for their lives. I now know I am in control of my feelings and my happiness in every moment. And I found that true happiness comes from within. When someone does something nice towards me, it’s just icing on the cake. If they are nasty, it doesn’t shake my core like it used to. This weekly process helped me realize I’m in control of my feelings and so much more. And when I find something that works, I want to share it. May The Secret of a Happy Relationship™ transform your life, too!

Here’s how:

Let’s start with the physical tools and the process.  This process is a one-on-one activity.  Each person gets two boxes, one that stores stones and one that you will put stones into. (The Origami Edition uses chips instead of stones.)  There are 7 different colored stones, each one representing one of the seven basic emotions from which all emotions stem.

joy or happiness (yellow)origami-contemporary

frustration (red)

anger or rage (black)

love (pink stone)

dishonesty or holding back (green)

sadness (blue)

perfect harmony (white)

Now you’re ready to “play.”  Throughout the day, whenever you have a conversation with your partner, whether in person or on the phone, one or a combination of these emotions will appear. Email is not allowed in this process as it’s frequently hard to discern the intention of the message.  Now take a minute a become aware of what you are feeling.  Drop the colored stone (or stones) in your box without showing your partner, talking about what you felt, or without writing it down.  Your partner will do the same.  Do this for one week.  Now, here’s where the magic begins.

Set the same day each week for you to reveal your stones.  Each of you open your box and take a look.  Most likely you will only remember a few of the situations that the stones represent. This is a good thing. Why? Because the feelings that you have forgotten are no longer important to share.  They may have been petty reactions, or just by labeling how you felt at the time, may be enough for you to feel complete.  Remember this is a process that reveals to ourselves who we are and how we react.  Have you chosen your feelings as an automatic habitual reaction or is your response mindful and deliberate based on being honest with yourself?

Take the stones that you don’t remember and return them to the storage box.  Now look at the ones remaining.  These are the stones that need to be communicated and the ones that will begin the process of creating a happy relationship with yourself first and then your partner.

One person goes first and the other listens without comment.  Sharing the positive emotions that you experienced will let your partner know what made you happy.  Many times in relationships, the other person is not aware of what makes you happy and might think, “I’ve been doing ______ all this time thinking that’s what you wanted.” Isn’t is a good thing for them to know what really makes you happy? A lot of people do what they like, thinking it’s what you like, too. Having the conversation of each others likes and dislikes sounds so basic, so make sure you take this opportunity to let each of you know what’s important.

Next share the negative emotions to avoid grudges and resentments from building up over time.  Not sharing them now can blow them out of proportion when they finally are expressed in the future.

Now switch and have the other person share their stones. And remember to use “I” statements, such as, “I felt _____ when you did _______.”  Saying, “You made me feel ______,” is an inaccurate statement, because no one can make you feel anything, we always choose our feelings whether we want to admit it or not.

Once you are done, feel free to discuss anything that you want to share.

Now your boxes are empty and your emotions have been expressed.  You feel clean and complete.  If you do this process week after week, and month after month, you will start to reveal to yourself what your honest feelings are about you and your partner, and everyone else in your life, for that matter.  Because once you start being truly aware and address how situations make you feel, you can start creating a road to happiness. The old saying, “The truth will set you free,” is true.  Being honest about your feelings, whether you are proud of them or not, is liberating. Having this awareness about how you react and the patterns of how you deal with your life, gives you the building blocks to change what is not working for you and what keeps you stuck. This awareness teaches you what truly gives you joy and happiness in your life.

We call The Secret of a Happy Relationship™ a game, because working on ourselves and how we relate to others doesn’t have to be work.  It can be fun, liberating, and something we do that brings us a fulfilled life.  Taking a light approach to life, but with honesty, will keep you doing this process and experiencing the benefits. And with everything in life, practice makes perfect!

A lot of couples have had similar experiences where the first few weeks of playing The Secret of a Happy Relationship™ are a pleasurable experience. But as the weeks go on, stuffed emotions start to surface and get uncomfortable to express, leading to holding back (isn’t that one of the stones?) and anger (there’s another one).  Here’s where coming to our community blog (coming soon!) and hearing how others have jumped over these hurtles, can give you more tools to achieving happy communications.

Knowing there is place to go to and get a new perspective on your situation, is one of the added benefits our website will offer.  Share your thoughts with others, learn from others experiences, and post questions.  This is your community.  Let’s work together to bring about joy, open hearts, compassion, and patience with one another.  These are all possible benefits of playing the Secret of a Happy Relationship™. And once you experience these benefits, you can share them and express them with all your relationships, whether romantic, platonic, with your relatives, co-workers, or friends.

Are you ready to transform your life and your relationships?